It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
