I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
