Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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