i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
