hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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