i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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