The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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