he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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