My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
