she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
