If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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