you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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