ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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