I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
