Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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