Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
soo... how was my night?
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