His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
