We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This house was built for laser tag.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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