he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
