Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
