It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
