Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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