I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
