dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
