you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
