He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
