I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
