if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
