in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
