he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
