3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
