I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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