i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
