Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
