I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
