When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
a search helicopter?!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
