Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
