I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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