That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
