This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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