and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
