We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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