apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize