After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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