So drunk its hurt
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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