turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i out mim tonsoeep
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