Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
