Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
