Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize