but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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