Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
