what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
