eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
