Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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