so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
