Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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