I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
