i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
