If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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