Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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