She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
