I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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