Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
