Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
