Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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