well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
