y did u give ur computer a hand job?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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