I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
