When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
