You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
