Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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