do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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